Approaching 35

It's been a busy fall season and between the lack of time to sit and write the blog, and trouble with the voice I want to share, it's been a long break since my last post. But Winter is fast approaching and it's time for some updates, thoughts etc. etc. or my next excuse for not writing is because my fingers are frozen. So, before I'm told again me to write "my damend" blog, here are a few things I learnt the last little while...

My health took a downward spiral in October and I was out of commission for the month. It's a terrifying experience to be called back to the doctor's office for more blood work but to leave with no more information than when you walked in. Although the weight sitting heavily on me lightened significantly when the prognosis came back to be something non-permanent, the experience of that kind of fear is not easily forgotten. Recovery was about resting quietly but more about remembering I have much to be thankful for.

Emily Haines released a CD in September 2006 titled "Knives Don't have your Back". The title has always caught my eye and I often wonder about the origin of it. I learned this summer what it's like to experience intentional hurt and betrayal from a friend. Knives are sharp and I must be careful, my mum always warned me. Yes, mum was right. They cut sharply through but in reality so fast, it's painless and quickly over.

Just yesterday, I discovered that it's the blunt ones I should watch out for. They cut by surprise and not cleanly, leaving behind a numbing ache that stays a while. I should have perceived this would happen since my kitchen drawer is mostly filled with knives that are blunt. Although there's no turning back when this happens, I'm trying to listen for the ringing bells of the door to door knife sharpening truck that sometimes makes it up my street. May I then have a clearer insight to Emily's CD and like it more?

So this morning as I am standing at the Danish Consulate ready to submit my visa application, I am reminded by the women behind the plexiglass window that the maximum applicant age of 35 years is fast approaching and that I am just in-time. "In-time" is the key word and I cannot even describe the wonderful feeling of freedom that my decision to leave Canada gives me and a big step away from my "lagom-like" state of mind.

But I never really understand why so much in society is based on age. If this is true, then can I justify turning 35 soon as the reason why the recent tolls on my heart and health have happened just "in-time" but during what sure felt like least deserving moments?